Why are you a loud-mouthed frog... er, gal?

On March 19, 2003 I was standing in my dorm living room watching television as I cooked food before my next class. President Bush came on tv, and announced the War on Iraq – and my heart sank. Really? This was the answer? I had always tried to be politically aware, but I wasn't as informed as say, an activist would be... I was ignorant by most standards, but always willing to listen and to learn. Sadly, at that moment, the ignorance and disassociation from this government that I felt no longer represented the country I believed in. I turned off my tv, unplugged my cable and didn't watch broadcast television for the next 8 years.

Ignorance was bliss. I didn't engage in political conversations with my peers and I didn't have to argue or take a side. It was hard not to care, it took effort to keep it out of my life, to avoid the poison of television. Once in a while I would go online and watch The Daily Show or The Colbert Report just to see what was going on... it was a blessing to have those programs since basically, their poor people had to watch all the television I didn't want to and distill it down into practicality and satire. Thank you for your lost hours of life watching MSNBC and FoxNews, folks.

I was on a break at work in September 2011 when I came across the Occupy movement online. All the political and humanistic passion I had been holding onto erupted. I watched the livestream online from Zucotti Park all day, had it in the background while I worked, at home while I did the dishes... as much as I could. I was hungry for it and told my boyfriend I wanted to go to the Occupy Los Angeles meet-ups. My boyfriend used to be an activist and he told me flat out “No.” I was taken aback and we argued for a while about it. I finally understood his side of wanting us to be safe and how we can help without having to put our faces in the crowd.

Now, some people might call us cowards, but I had to accept something about myself... I couldn't afford to be detained/jailed because it would lead to the loss of my job, our income, and that is a snowball effect by itself. It was shortly after in October that I was put on a project at work that was in the field I wanted to be in and I was on cloud nine. I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize my time there, but I still watched online, read the newsfeeds and did what I could conversationally when people would talk about it with no knowledge.

The economy finally became a painful reality for me and hundreds of my co-workers when we were let go in a massive lay-off a year ago. Suddenly, everything I was reading, watching, had become front row.

I've been unemployed for a year exactly. There have been moments of clarity and even more moments of loss and helplessness. When I take breaks from researching job sites and writing cover letters, I am watching documentaries and old TV shows I missed during my 8 years of not having cable television. I watch TEDtalks and read NPR. I watch documentaries and then I find myself researching the subject even more afterwards. Women's rights, human rights and health tend to be at the top of my list, but I love a good documentary regardless.

My boyfriend has been on my case to make a youtube channel, to build a fanbase, to make anything. Part of a fragile artist ego is never feeling like anything you do is good enough to share with others. Our most recent discussion of this was during a particularly hormonal day for me, and I happened to be watching the supplemental More The Business of Being Born. It became apparent to me that I can't really share all these long-winded, opinonated thoughts on facebook... so here it is: The Loud-Mouthed Gal blog.

I know I'm not the smartest, or the most eloquent... I hope you will forgive me, and share your thoughts or information with me. I am always willing to learn something new and listen, and even concede if I am wrong.

I have been trying to find employment in the entertainment industry in casting, talent management and production because I need a job and I could see myself enjoying and not hating myself if I did these things. In my heart, I am a performer - I am a singer and an actor, and always will be.

I will be quiet no longer. I have a lot of feelings and ideas about feminism, humanism, and society that may or may not be too terribly popular, but I have to share them somewhere.

~ Loud-Mouthed Gal